Today we talked about the idea of losing things, an idea we'll explore throughout our study of Joyce' The Dubliners. Some characters in this story experience loss that is more literal: the loss of a valuable possession, that loss of a loved one; others, in contrast, experience loss that is more metaphorical: loss of innocence, of faith, of romantic ideals. No matter the character's loss, Joyce asks us to consider how people choose to cope with those losses and also how we're affected both positively and negatively by those experiences. Before we get his take on these ideas, I want you to consider them in the context of your own life. Write about a loss--concrete or abstract--, how you dealt with it, and how it affected you.
I'll start...
I've been sitting here, staring at my computer screen, trying to put this experience into words. I don't even know how to define what I lost without telling the story; maybe you can define it for me. The year after I finished my undergrad was a strange period in my life. I was living in a house with 8 girlfriends from college and working on my master's degree in San Antonio, the same city where I completed my bachelor's. It was a strange experience because I felt I had one foot in the college world, another in the world of adulthood and I couldn't seem to reconcile the two. I spent the whole year toiling with this idea, feeling conflicted about attending college events when I felt I was now supposed to be an adult, even though I didn't feel quite ready. This feeling climaxed when I finished my graduate degree and packed my things to return to Colorado. I new that, without moving, I would never experience the end of all that and that it was time, but it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. I remember sitting in our big empty house the night before I moved, taking pictures with friends in front of our jam-packed UHaul truck before we drove away, and, most memorably, driving through Texline, a 1 gas-station-town in West Texas as we listened to Roger Creager's "Fun All Wrong". I cried a little because we both knew it. It was the end of all that and the beginning of something else that we couldn't quite point to, but weren't entirely ready for.
When I was sixteen, the week before finals then Christmas break, I experienced such an irreconcilable loss that it will be a part of me for the rest of my life. There are too many complicated details to even try to explain what happened, but on that Friday before finals week everything happened at once, it hit the fan and there was no going back. That day I was pulled out of class and notified that a restraining order was becoming in place for one of my family members, and that my parents were getting a divorce, and one of my family members had been hospitalized. This split in my family, traveled to my extended family and all it once it seemed that a part of life that used to be so unified and together, had been torn apart and I was suddenly caught in a very uncertain middle ground. It was very hard having no control over what went on in my life, but I knew that there were certain ways I could deal with it, that would either leave me permanently damaged, or show the situation that I was strong enough to overcome. The way I dealt with this event was by volunteering with special needs children. As cheesy as it sounds, by helping others with their easily solvable problems, I was able to forget about mine for a short period of time. If anything can come out of this experience, it is that I learned that helping others can only do good things for you personally. Never let the situation overpower or compromise you, show the situation how strong of a person you can be, and what you are made of.
ReplyDeleteI've lost plenty of things in my life, homework, tests, hotwheels cars, socks, receipts, important papers, word documents, and plenty of other things. Losing material things doesn't affect me much. The one thing that I tend to lose that really affects me is one that appears to common: friends. I've probably lost over the span of my life about 5-6 best friends, and too many other friends to even count. The cause of losing a friend isn't exactly the same, whether it be the friend moving, me moving, loss of communication, or friends just losing it and ending the friendship. Dealing with the loss of a friend is hard, it's like the ending to a favorite story, but with a sad ending. It hurts me a lot when the connection of friendship is broken by some event or circumstance. And it always seems to come when I least expect it, when things are going well, when things seem good, they turn bad. Well I guess I'll focus on one incident, with a friend who shall remain unnamed, and when that friendship ended. Just randomly, out of the blue, the friend just started to shout angrily at me, calling me many things and accusing me of many crimes I did not commit. At the end of his rage, I just left the situation. It was very strange to the origin of his anger towards me. Did I do something wrong? Did I anger him in any way? I really couldn't find out, it seemed very random. Many of the things he accused me of doing were very far-fetched and didn't make much sense. Losing a friend because you did something wrong feels bad, but losing a friend due to something that you don't even know what happened is worse. And still to this day I don't really know what happened, but it ended. This loss of friends has kind of affected me negatively, seeing as it's harder for me to make a deep connection with anyone else anymore, from fear that they're going to turn on me or leave me, I'm to afraid to make a huge, long-lasting connection from fear of it being broken. I can't really say I trust anyone with any deep secrets or feelings, for fear of disapproval and betrayal. I am pretty welcoming of new friends due to the fact that I change friends so many times, so I guess that's a positive outcome. But I'm pretty sure that the group of friends I have now are going to be long-lasting friends.
ReplyDeleteA simple loss I experienced, when I was a freshman was that I did not pass Algebra 1. This is not on terms of a big loss for me, compared to things such as a death of a loved one, loss of prized possession, etc. But it affected me in the way of losing confidence in myself; feelings that I was stupid because I really did in fact try hard, but just did not understand the material. To overcome it, the next math class I took to recover from the failed grade was a success. Along with that others encouraged me that I had the intelligence to make it. This in turn boosted my confidence for the future enabling me to achieve and overcome this small but impactful loss.
ReplyDeleteI've been lucky enough not to experience the death of a loved one or anything truly devastating, but I have lost many friends. For 8 years, I lived in Oxford, England, and when I left for Colorado 3 and a half years ago, I had to leave behind all of my friends. Of course, I still keep in touch, but the initial loss took a toll during the first year. I didn't know how to deal with it, having never had this experience before. I spent the first semester of 8th grade not having any really good friends I could rely on, and I blame this on me. I never opened up and just wallowed in a false sense of loneliness, when the best thing I could have done was move on and make new friends. Eventually I was able to move on, and I started to make great friends, many who are still my friends. This affected me in a big way. I learned that whenever there is a loss, you gain something. Whether this shows up as something concrete or metaphorical is something no one knows.
ReplyDeleteI think everyone loses somethings at points in life because it's all part of growing and changing. Some things are missed while you hardly notice the absence of other things. In my life I think one of the things I miss most is simplicity. When we were younger everything was easy and safe and simple, but now it's hard to find anything in this world fitting this description. Nothing is simple anymore and I think that's a shame. I often wish I could go back to days before stress and worry but I realize that the loss of simplicity is just a fact of growing up and I have to continue to cope with the complexity of the loss of simplicity.
ReplyDeleteI very much agree with Rileigh. Loss is not unusual for us. Loss occurs every day to everyone, some losses greater than others unfortunately. And one thing I have learned about loss is that you always learn how much you needed that thing or person. You can see this in everything you lose, whether it be as simple as losing a paper, to something as devastating as losing a loved one to death. There is no way to avoid it, but the one thing we can do is learn and grow from that experience. We can learn to appreciate the things we have and the people we know. We can also learn from mistakes, such as losing a paper; we now know to be more organized. Loss can be difficult to cope with when it comes to losing a person in your life, whether it be death or an end of a relationship. But as some people may see it, everything happens for a reason. Now, some may not believe this, but we all know that not everything lasts. This is just how life works, things come and go, mistakes are made, lessons are learned, and we continue to move forward. For me, losing people is the hardest thing for me. Last year's suicides hit me so hard. It left me asking why? Why did they have to go through this? Why could we not have saved them? Why were they in so much pain? Why must we lose our friends? No one likes the idea of death, in fact, some are afraid of it. But in these experiences, lessons are learned. For me, I learned nothing can be taken for granted and that everyone has problems hidden that we don’t know about so we should never assume. As Mr. Thurmond likes to put it, "Don't ASSUME, it makes an ASS out of U and ME." My point is, humor aside, is that we have to be careful about how we treat people. We never know how we affect others until it is too late. I also know now not to take my own life for granted, seeing as these people died so young. There are so many things out there to do, so many experiences they won’t get to try. To me this makes me so sad. There is so much to live for.
ReplyDeleteLoss is an interesting thing to define to me, because I have trouble accepting something is truly lost. I also do not know how to define my personal loss, but I know it was a moment in life that changed me a lot. Long story short, I was riding my bike home from school and I got hit by a car crossing the street. Nothing that major happened, my bike was toast, and I broke my arm, but it didn't hurt and no serious damage was done. My helmet probably saved me a lot of brain damage. What really makes the most difference is what it makes me think about, I think about how things went so well that day and that if things had just been a little different in any aspect I could have lost a lot more that day than I did. It was this moment I realized that these type of things happen to people randomly and at any time, and in that sense I lost a sense of security and I felt exposed and vulnerable. I didn't really lose anything physical in this case, but mentally I lost a part of myself struggling to understand what did happen and what could have.
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ReplyDeleteIn the latter part of my first semester in high school, I experienced two things which made large contributions to who I am today. First, after having surgery to remove the end of his tailbone, my brother was told by the doctors that he had a rare form of cancer and would need to be treated immediately. My brother and I are extremely close and this was a serious blow to hear that my brother and dad were going to have to go to Boston for 2-3 months in order to seek treatment for him. Not very long after his surgery, my Mom rolled our car when coming home from a friends house one night, breaking her neck. So here I was, brother and dad heading to Boston with my mom in a neck brace. These events resulted in me really having to step up my responsibility at home. Thinking back on these events I realize that they forced me to grow up a little faster then I maybe had wanted to but I definitely think it was for the best. The sense of responsibility of helping my mom out at home was challenging at times, yet rewarding when my dad and brother returned and I realized that I had been successful.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about something that I have lost not a lot comes to mind because throughout my life i've been pretty lucky compared to most people. I'm very thankful for that but it is true that everyone has lost something in there life. It can be as little as a pencil to as important as a loved one. The lose I'm going to talk about however is not a possesion but more a metaphorical lose. My lose, although it's about losing a friend, is more focused on the lose of trust. Since I was a child I was always shy and afraid to open up to people. I always had friends but never truly had a best friend whom I shared all my secrets with. But towards eighth grade a became really close to a friend I previously had. I finally was able to call someone my best friend. We did everything together and had millions of inside jokes. I felt as though I could share anything with her. Towards the end of nineth grade however she did something that was so unexpected and hurtful that i could never look at her as my best friend again. I felt so betrayed because i trusted her so much I was certain she would never do anything to hurt me. Since this incident it has been hard for me to trust people. It's hard opening up to someone because I'm afraid it might happen again. But through all of this my family has been very helpful to me. They showed me that this shouldn't hold me back and i shouldn't be afraid anymore. I've been working on it a lot and i now believe trust is very important and no one can live without it.
ReplyDeleteI lose things on a daily basis. My lucky pencil I've had since band camp my Sophomore year, the second book in a series of three, the necklace my friend made me for christmas a few years ago... Little things like that. No big deal in the long run.
ReplyDeleteBut losing something like friends makes me an emotional wreck, but it's something I've dealt with my whole life.
I was raised in St. Louis until I was about 5. All of my dads family lived nearby, so I saw them a lot, and my moms family lived in Kansas, so I saw them every now and then. At the time I really didn't understand the concept of family. All I knew was that they were all related to me, and I loved hanging out with them. And then I lost them all. I don't mean that like, oh they all mysteriously died within a week of eachother. My dad was offered a job in Aurora, so that's where we moved. I haven't seen my dads side of the family since, and my moms side? Let's just say they don't all get along, so I don't see them very often.
After living in Colorado for a few weeks, my parents got a divorce. My mom stayed in Colorado, and my father eventually moved to Florida with his new wife. Since then, I've gone to 7 different schools in 2 different states. I've left friends behind everytime I've moved schools, but I've also made new friends.
I never really used to think anything of all the moving and transitions... But as I'm getting older I'm realising the importance of family and friends more and more. I don't have that one friend that I've known since kindergarten, I don't have the typical granddaughter-grandparent relationship, and I don't like it. As I'm getting older, the song Big Yellow Taxi hits closer and closer to home: You don't know what you've got till it's gone.
I've been in the same place for the majority of my life, so i don't have the excuse of new towns and new schools to explain away why i seem to lose so many of my closest friends. They seem to drop out of my life one by one, as I watch them go and wonder to myself what had happened. There is never a dramatic screaming match, or an explosion of anger, simply put someone is my best friend one day, and the next all we share is awkward glances when we see each other in the hallways. The transition so subtle no one but me even notices. It happened for the first time in 4th grade, again in 7th, and then again quite recently. After i lost each friend i questioned myself, what was wrong with me that this person that i loved no longer considered me worthy of friendship.
ReplyDeleteIt took me a long time to realize that not everyone is meant to be permanent, people come in and out of our lives for a reason, two peoples paths may cross at one point but then travel in the opposite direction after that. We must lose in order to gain, because by losing a friend, perhaps a new person was able to come in to my life, that had an even larger impact on me.
When I moved here from Texas I lost everything I knew and had to start all over again. The loss of friends was the most difficult for me. You think you will stay in touch but it doesn’t happen. You only hear story of how people have changed and what everyone has been doing. Although moving was difficult and something I really didn’t want to happen it benefited me in the end. I learned to get out of my box more and be more sociable towards people I didn’t know. I became a stronger person from our move and think in the end it benefited me more than staying in Texas would have.
ReplyDeleteWhen asked about loss the first thing that comes to mind is my little brother. I have a half brother named Shawn he is 14 years old and we are so so close. He has lived away from me pretty much my whole life. I lost him when he was about 6 when thte court took custody of my brother and I. I lived witht my gradnparents and my little brother moved from foster home to foster home. I barely saw him. Then my mom got custody of him and I saw him every once and a while like on special occcasions and such. It was so hard on botht of us. Then he and my mom moved to Louisiana and we lost pretty much all contact. It was two years before i saw him again. Then he called up about a year and a half ago and wanted to live with us! i was thrilled when we got custody of him!!! i finally could spend time with my little brother and see him and make up for all the years apart. But that happiness was short lived because my grandparents decided they could not handle his temper and his ADD and ADHD i was devistaed when they sent him back to my mom. I miss him more and more every day and hardly get to talk to him it had been a half a year since he left and i feel this loss so much. I miss him
ReplyDeleteThrough all the trivial and valuable, momentary and life changing things i have lost, when I stop to consider the question the first thing that pops into my head is something much more overarching. In the last year, I have lost my crutches, my excuses, my denial, my blissful ignorance. Starting about 6th grade I began getting migraines. These changed and evolved over the years, to where sophomore year I had a constant headache, and missed the equivilent of a month or two of school. Friends changed, evolved so that I didn't know them anymore. Things got messier at home, I felt trapped. Of course I had reason to be miserable and apathetic.
ReplyDeleteThen this year things started falling together. One by one my hard earned layres of denial fell away, leaving me in the great wide terrifying open. I realized that I was just fooling myself, making up excuses for being what I was.
Loosing my crutches was excruciating, and left me reeling. But in equal parts it also forced me to grow up, and let me realize what is actually gowing on. My parents got a divorse, my head got worse, the gauntlet closed. And yet I feel freer than ever.
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ReplyDeleteJordan S
ReplyDeleteAbout 7 years ago i was basically relying on my pets for company at home. Most of my friends were moving away because they didn't like the island anymore (I lived in Florida). We had our two dogs Max and Chelsea and Max was quiet while Chelsea I'm half sure was created in an evil laboratory since she was always getting into trouble. When I'd come home it would be great to see and play with them. But one day after I felt that I had been having a bad time since I was pushed into a forced sleepover I heard that Chelsea had to go to the vet. I didn't find this odd since she was always eating bad things and would usually have to go because my mom is paranoid. I came home from school and got picked up and my mom had a sad look on her face. Chelsea's liver had ruptured and she died. She was only 2. It was Friday the 13th. It took me a while to get over because I wasn't able to go to many friends houses but this helped me get more friends at the time. I started going to other peoples houses more often and eventually it started to slip to the back of my mind. I won't forget her since she was probably the sweetest evil genius of a dog but I know it is important to move on.
Well everyone loses something from physical things to mental ideas, as teenagers I think all of us hit a wall that we want to climb over and that is the wall between childhood and adulthood. When we first hit this wall, some of us can get over the wall but some of us don’t want to truly get over this wall, from being childish to maturity. For example one of my friends, she has problems in her life that she has great mature ideas but when it comes to her actions she will act childish to avoid the problem, or sometimes make it worse. Something my mom once told me was that when we are parents we sometimes lose the logic of being a kid, because some parents will tell their children to not do something because it was dangerous but yet when our parents were teenager and children they did most of the same things that we do now. I that case our parents lose the logic of being a teenager. All those are mentally losing something but when you go to losing things physically they are sometimes tied to mental ideas, to a married couple we have the wedding ring symbolizing the strength of the loves bond, if someone lose that they would be devastated. I think it is something surprising about losing things is that some things can be found again, say that your friend moved away for a long time and you haven’t seen them in a while, your friendship could be lose because you haven’t talked to each other for so long but yet the moment you two meet again, to friendship restarts and is stronger than ever, this is a book from my life, my friend Arthur hadn’t seen each other for 10 years but my mom and his brother were friends so over my winter break I went to Texas to see him. True that things and ideas can be lost but some can be regained.
ReplyDeleteThroughout my life I have had to lose many possessions, which I cared dearly for, but have had no choice in the matter. Each time however, it got easier to let go and move to what is ahead, instead of fretting over material possessions. Yet, I would have to say one of the biggest losses I have experienced so far in my life, was moving to Colorado for high school. The transition from a very diverse city, which I have known for my whole life and have established best friends, to a ethnically restricted suburb town; was beyond difficult.
ReplyDeleteI was not able to cope with having to make new friends, adjusting to cold weather, while figuring out who I am personally. The loss was astronomic that truly affected how I carried myself, to my school work. At first, I tried my best to keep a positive attitude, be confident and make the best of my situation. However, that mind set quickly faded away after a few months. I seriously missed the weather, atmosphere and starting the journey of high school with my friends. It is like a roller-coaster ride, sometimes I was up, and others I was down; which would translate over into my school work. Overall, Freshman year was to hard to handle for me and I dealt with the circumstances wrong.
Sadly this only affected me in a mainly negative way, but I learned to deal with tough situations that I am not in favor of. Although, I am still dealing with this loss, as I speak to my friends and see pictures of how they have grown and changed; which makes me sad to think about how much I am missing out. I an still having to manage and control my feelings about this loss, I think about it everyday, but I have learned how to not let my emotions get in the way of important aspects. The loss continues to be eminent in my life, however not as affecting; I am better situation especially because I am a Senior now, but I gained much knowledge about myself.
Last March, I got into the car after school expecting my dad to ask me how my day was. That day, March 10th, 2010 was quite the opposite. He turned to me with tears in his eyes, then said that Eric, his best friend and the one I considered to be my uncle, was found dead in his bed that morning.
ReplyDeleteI had to ask him again, "wait, which eric?" my entire body was in a shock I can't really explain. As we got closer to home, I went from a state of horrible shock to bawling my eyes out.
I have known him since I was 2.
We went to his favorite food place that night with his parents and friends, Franks Pizza on Broadway. His picture was sitting at the table with us.
We had a very informal viewing for him, where I couldn't pull myself away from just looking at him and remembering all of the times we had for 45 minutes.
We had a celebration of his life party afterwards, with his favorite music, favorite food, and his infamous hat collection. I held every single one.
We have some of his ashes and a picture of him up on our mantle. I look at it and sometimes hold it every day.There's not one day I don't think of him.
I have his pictures in my room as well, in a frame up on a space on my wall dedicated to him.
We talk to his parents a lot. My dad has already been given some of his things. In March, we are having a celebration party for his memory and his birthday, which is March 25th. That will be rough, but good to be around people who miss him as much as you do. I love my Uncle Eric. I have his oicture of when we went to the Grand Canyon when I was 3 somewhere. He would always show me the biggest rocks on the trail and I would go climb up on them, throw my hands in the air, and say "look eric! I did it!" I will always remember his laugh, his sense of humor, his patriotism, and how fun he was. I will always miss him. <3
A little over 7 months ago, my 12 year old neighbor pasted away. He was best friends with my sister and brother and I saw him practically every day. It affected my family, my neighborhood, my swim team... The list goes on. No one knows what happed; it was all of a sudden and took everyone by surprise.
ReplyDeleteHow I dealt with it was I dealt with it with everyone else. My street that I live on is very close, and it hit all of us harder than most things we've experienced. We all came together. We started having neighborhood dinners and movie nights and little things like that. We all knew that we could help each other when we needed it most.
Austin Long---
ReplyDeleteWhen I was about 12, I lost a best friend. We spent the whole month together and the week before I had to go home, she collapsed in the parking lot, right in front of me. At first I thought she was just lightheaded because she was leaning on my Great Grandfather and all, but then she couldn't move at all. I was sitting in the van and my Great Grandfather asked me to help him get her to the hospital. I ran inside and brought her a wheelchair. We were actually at the hospital when she collapsed because my Great Grandfather needed more radiology for his tumors. Anyways it turned out she had suffered a stroke and after a few months it turned out fatal. This friend was my Great Grandmother with whom I spent that whole month playing cribbage and rummy with while I awaited the end of my summer vacation. The next summer she passed right after I played her one more game.
Berek Martichuski-
ReplyDeleteLosing everything i was used to when i moved from New York to here was tough, but i wouldnt say it really counted as a loss though becuase i still have all my freinds, they just dont live with me, and i still have that place in my heart and if i wanted to i could just fly there. For me, a huge loss that i have to deal with is loosing yourself, i feel as if in high school so many people try to be someone they arent and that is something i focus so hard on not falling into. I have certain "friends" who will change completely around my just to make me like them when in reality i like who they actually are, not who they are trying to act like. Fake people have lost themselves and that to me is truly the saddest thing you can loose. In the end you are all that you have and if you don't even have that, what do you have. I started going down that alley, even hiding my New York accent to fit in and i really hated everything about me when i did that. Now im me, i love poetry the notebook and sining, i love lacrosse and i have a New York accent, nice to meet you.